I have a lot of pride. I have never been one to ask for help. Over the years I realize that I’ve leaned into a type of self-reliance I now recognize to be toxic.
In short, I don’t like proclaiming what I want to do or plan to do publicly.
What if it doesn’t work? What if I fail? What if I fall on my face and am embarrassed and humiliated because I went for something I didn’t get?
Yeah.
But at this big age, I’m learning there’s power in being honest about what I want, writing it down, and speaking it out loud in front of other people. Now that speaking it aloud part is key, but more on that in a second.
In 2021 I was in the midst of a season of severe burnout, and I was running a cohort of professionals through my signature personal branding group cohort Package Your Genius Academy. I had turned 40 that year, and during a period of deep life reflection realized how much I wanted writing to be a part of the next decade of my life.
I was caring for my new daughter who’d been born at the end of 2020, and I was inside evading COVID. The academy was a welcome distraction from the worry and isolation that had consumed me during the pandemic.
So I was working with about 12 women for this six-month group container. The high-achieving women in my cohort had come to me to learn about personal branding, visibility, and thought leadership. But it seemed like every call we’d get on turned into a group commiseration about how exhausted we all were.
We weren’t the only ones.
Burnout peaked during the pandemic for so many people, especially our healthcare workers and first responders.
Remember, how I said I’d turned 40 and gotten clear that writing was moving up on my priority list? Well during this time I had started taking writing classes and workshops so I could push myself into the energy of that space. Being in writing workshops means your ear is tuned to hear the stories all around you. Factor in the women I was in community with via my coaching cohort and the story virtually wrote itself:
We are all exhausted.
Long story less long, inspired by my coaching cohort I wrote a pitch for the story about Black women who were exhausted and dealing with burnout. I shopped it around to a few publications and got a yes from The Washington Post.
After the story came out I had another moment of the purposeful clarity that comes from tapping into a collective experience that I didn’t want to end. The story I wrote had to be trimmed down to 900 words, but I had conducted over six hours of interviews and I had several hours of transcripts.
The story turned out great! But…I had so much more I wanted to share and say. I realized after the story came out that I really wanted to write a book…
So I said so.
It wasn’t like me to verbalize that desire, but something about the power of that writing experience made all of my fear of being vulnerably seen fall away. I got caught up!
I remember doing a podcast interview after that article was published - the podcast hosts had found me through the story and wanted to discuss it. I remember telling them after we wrapped the interview how I desperately wanted to do something more - I wanted to write a book on this. Shout out to Tina McElroy Ansa and Wanda Lloyd these incredible, beautiful veteran Black women writers, editors, and authors who witnessed me, affirmed me, and encouraged me to go for it.
“Don’t be shy and write another op-ed when you really know it should be a book,” Tina told me, matter of factly.
I held on to that.
I don’t know who else I told, but I remember sharing my desire to write a book on burnout - verbally - with a few people. I repeated it, even as a whisper, but I repeated it.
Now here’s the crazy part.
The article came out in August 2021.
In August 2023 I received the contract for a book deal with Wiley.
What?!
Now - did I network, follow up, craft a solid pitch? Of course. But when the opportunity emerged, I was ready.
I don’t have it all figured out, but what I’ve figured out so far on my own realigning journey is this:
There is something about saying aloud the desires of your heart.
It is different from writing it down and reflecting on it for yourself. I write down my goals and dreams all the time, I’m a lifelong journaler.
But what is new for me is speaking the dream aloud and sharing it with others.
Maybe it’s something about letting others bear witness to the purity and vulnerability of your dream.
Maybe that witnessing gives your desires wings.
Maybe verbalizing your desires sends a message that you’re ready for them to be made real - for them to go from your mind and your heart to your office or your bookshelf — that you’re ready for them to be shared with the physical world.
I have no idea! But I do know I’ve verbalized my desire for a few writerly things - and in the past, I would’ve had too much pride to do that. And those desires are coming to pass.
I’ve only whispered my desires up to this point.
So what happens if I decide to roar?
What would happen if you did?
Your turn! Tell me in the comments - what is one dream you want to verbalize to the world? Whether you’re ready to roar or can only whisper, I want to hear from you.
More things - Announcements!
Huge shout out to Xina, Tamika, Tiffany, Jessica, and Amira for becoming my very first five paid subscribers for REALIGNING!
Your support means so much to me and helps me reach my goal of 1000 paid subscribers for this project. By becoming a paid subscriber, you are helping me get closer to my dream of earning a full-time income from my words.
Now to be clear, I appreciate everyone who has already taken the step of following the project on Substack, sharing a link to my first post, restacking the story, and inviting me into your inbox by becoming a free subscriber.
Each of you who have sent kind notes so far - and I’m only 3 days in - THANK YOU. I am so incredibly full, I could burst.
Yay!
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